Darker And Clearer

Seven years later and I still had murder on my mind though now more sophisticated in its concept and execution.

The grey clouds continued in their movement, but in front of a redder and more angry-looking sky as the Sun dipped towards the horizon to be inexorably quenched in the frothing sea and replenished in the fires of Hell. A wind turbine caught by the fiery red brilliance was transformed into a silhouette with slowly spinning arms slicing through the clouds.

Sunsets like these had been happening unchanged for thousands of centuries  though my earlier confusion had altered considerably.

The encounter with Dr. Riding had seen to that.

Unlike clouds being at the mercy of the winds and always disappearing and moving to reappear somewhere else unnoticed. Almost. I had choices. Many choices. One path led to the edge of an abyss and another back to safety. A place of considered reason. I jumped.

Cold-blooded, brutal murder. My earlier need was to destroy four people. I had even graded the four murders, but came to the obvious conclusion that I only really needed to execute one of the four. Rayce Williams. This world could only be a better place with him gone. His dreadful wife Daphnida was a repulsive woman and she would be doomed to remain alone in a living Hell. Her fate would have to wait. Nevertheless, to have imagined that any one actual murder could be more important than any other was a sign of madness. My plan was not a fantasy and neither was it madness.

The beast within me had been sleeping contentedly and had now awoken all these years later. I felt powerful as I had control and the justice that I craved must be taken. I felt totally justified in my proposed action. The verdict and sentence of my court had cleaned up the diseased images that had swirled around in my mind for so long. I justified to myself that removing the disease would only be justice and it couldn't be wrong. I was no longer crushed between that rock and a hard place. Murder can be considered barbaric and I certainly used to think that, but now it's  different. I understood it. I felt it. I had lived it. Free of those dark thoughts at last.

I reflected and wondered how I could have justified murder. I would surely place myself beneath contempt. I had justified it. The desire to self-destruct had felt so strong and though I could never take my own life, I considered taking life. Was that defective reasoning? Maybe. Inferior animal instincts growing within me had eventually cleared as I saw the reason to kill. The blades of the great turbines had given meaning to a new age. Executing one and allowing three to live on in terror had considerably increased my chances of not being caught. That was sound reasoning. The wind farm generating electricity from a natural resource. Pure and clean and my spirit cleansed.

My serial-killer thoughts had dissipated with the certain knowledge that one death would grip the other three in terror. Not knowing. Just the event. The terrible death. Had it been just a terrible accident? Being impaled on an iron fence. The spike through the throat was such a clichˇ but suffocation and loss of blood were very effective conspirators.

As I watched the great turbine blades rotating against the dark red backdrop, it struck me that events will continue relentlessly unless stopped. Would one murder be enough? Thoughts of my targets suddenly hijacked my mind. One dead and three unharmed by me. Yes. That should do it. Some consider taking a life is wrong and I had argued with myself endlessly about the rights and wrongs of this ultimate sanction. To act like an avenging angel or a ruthless devil?

The hypocrisy peddled in war legalises murder by making it acceptable to kill, but I am an adult and am capable of reasoned thought, not mindless acts of violence.

I had the advantage of knowing my target. My choice to act. My decision alone backed up by sound reasoning.

Something had happened to me in those moments to build a bridge and connect the distance spanned by seven years. An unconscious, unthinking moment. A decision made somehow. An act performed. The result of my action was an inner calmness and freedom from turmoil. This had not been impulsiveness, but considered action.

Years ago that flash of consequences and options had been too much for me to deal with and I had felt helpless and confused. Not any more.


© Louis Brothnias v1.0 (August, 2011)

Dark Thoughts

Creative Acre